


with the universe in his reach but just beyond his grasp｡

by reiette



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Universe, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Slow Burn, updates will be in the form of small chapters & there will only be 3 total
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-28
Updated: 2017-07-31
Packaged: 2018-12-08 05:50:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11640231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reiette/pseuds/reiette
Summary: As opposite as the vast ocean and a wildfire, Keith and Lance are brought together unexpectedly and forcefully, just as opposite poles pull together.





	1. i lied｡ now i’m lying awake｡

The stars that now surrounded them had breathed new meaning into their lives. They’d been responsible for the sharp, sudden pivot in the supposedly straight path of life. The five of them–with an unbelievable weight on their shoulders–had their existences repurposed for the protection of the universe. This path of life was no longer clear-cut, it was a clouded gem lying deep in the crevice of the earth. Except this wasn’t “earth”–and the reality that they might never see their homeland again once again crossed their minds. They’d be out here for as long as they lived; there was no way they could go back without giving it their utmost. 

A younger, more naive lance had once taken to stargazing upon the rooftops–of his house, corporate buildings, even the galaxy garrison–to him, the vastness of space was a breathtaking view. The stars seized his hopeless heart, scintillating in the night sky–like a dance, lance had decided–as he reached a hand out, scraping the sky in the hopes of grasping the celestial beings that lay  _ just _ out of his reach, foolishly wondering what it would be like to join them up there. Laying on his back, crossing his legs, he would stare up, thinking of all the unknown that lay out there: things that he didn’t know, things he’d  _ never _ know, things he didn’t  **want** to know.

Now stargazing fills him with nostalgia. For a lost past he could never return to. For a family that would be missing his iconic presence, whose absence they would feel as much as he feels theirs. 

As much as his teammates were understanding & helpful, he wouldn’t exactly call them a family. There is no hostility, simply a “to each his own” feeling lingering in the bonds between them. They were shaky, threaded together by a single string and as soon as one pulled too hard, the rest would fall apart. No–that wasn’t quite right–Hunk would never leave him, he decides. But then why, why does he always deal with this alone? It begins to weigh on him more than usual, the prospect of a whole new future was enticing but… if he had known it’d be at the cost of possibly never seeing his family again, he can’t be sure he would have taken it. 

But he has to make the most of it.  _ What’s life without a little adventure? _ He lets out a breathy laugh, to avoid the sentiment threatening to spill over at any moment. With his knees huddled against his chest, he watches as the ship moved past each star, each planet, each asteroid, and couldn’t help but wonder:  _ how long they had been there? _ If they could speak,  _ what kind of story would they have to tell? _ It didn’t matter; he decided it would probably be a pretty boring one anyway. Floating in the depths of space proved lonely after all.

He’s cold and tired. He decides to shut off the light in his room & sit back down, legs spread out, back against the frame of the bed, & head thrown back on the mattress as he closes his eyes & lets the darkness be his comfort. An involuntary tear runs down the side of his face. He becomes keenly aware of this & does nothing to wipe it away.  _ Let it stay there _ , he thinks.  _ Let it mark me _ . He is drowning, but only he knows it. This would serve as proof it existed beyond his mind’s boundaries.

Soon he brings his previously spread out limbs closer together & lays on his side on the floor against the bed, but eventually realizes it’s  _ way _ too uncomfortable for him & no matter how tired he was, the bed was a better option. Otherwise, he’d be stiff for  _ another _ morning practice. Sighing, he remembers how life will never go easy on him anymore.  _ Here starts real adulthood, _ something no one could have prepared him for.

He closes his eyes & takes a deep breath. 

* * *

He never asked for this life. No parents, no love, no hope. He had to build it all himself from the ground. Raise up an empire from ashes and dirt. It may seem poetic: the rebirth of a phoenix. But to him, the hurt was very real–to say it doesn’t still weigh on him would be a lie. It doesn’t render him hopeless as before, but it’s a sort of inexhaustible fuel to keep going. Like he needs to prove something to someone, to  _ anyone _ because he needs proof that he exists outside of just his head. But  _ why is the Keith everyone else sees always at odds with the real deal? _ Shiro sees him for who he is– _ but why can’t anyone else? _  Why they all misunderstand him he may never know, but he does know he wants to change that.

He has nothing to miss on earth. No family, no friends. He isn’t particularly attached to any culture, sure he had  _ liked _ learning about their customs and foods, but it isn’t something he particularly misses. Space was far more interesting. He had always been interested in it, in exploring the unknown and finding answers firsthand–Shiro had taught him that–in fact, Shiro had instilled in him a love for all the stars in the sky. He had always wondered what it would be like to travel among them. Well, now he knows, and he’s taking notes. writing down experiences, curiosities, inexplicable happenings, and observations both qualitative and quantitative to run past Allura later on. She’ll check Keith’s findings with her database and explain his questions or find a new area of research for Pidge to immediately take up.

He’s not really used to it. This type of situation, where people live together in such close quarters, not to mention having their lives become so closely intertwined, is something he hasn’t really experienced. He is not repulsed. Just surprised. A little thrown off. He’s not sure how to cope with this.  _ Maybe I never will be _ , he thinks. But he knows that’s wrong. He’s survived and adapted to so much, living in harmony with others can’t be any different. He’ll force it if he has to, find solace in this fiery empire he built for himself, but this won’t leave him defeated. Nothing ever could; otherwise his outershell-hardening past would be for naught.

His past lingers in the present, destined to continue into the future. It was like breathing in fire. Filling his lungs in every deep breath and alleviating exhale. It burns. It will never leave him; it’s still a burden, he can tell. The loneliness in the dark, the nightmares, the dissatisfaction with his own life.  _ If only it had been different _ , he used to think. He entertains the idea of having a little bit of slack in life, but it seems god wasn’t keen on blessing him with any. He’s burning, and he’s the only one who knows. It will never find it’s way to the outer world, but the fire growing is just as strong as ever.

Maybe he just needs rest. Pulling up the sheets & placing his hands between his head and his pillow, he tries to will himself to sleep, trying to bring his thought process to a standstill, even if just for a little. Knowing him, he’d be awake at least an hour more in concentration before he actually is able to slip out of consciousness, drifting off to a place  _ far _, far from the stars they knew today. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is from Purity Ring's song Bodyache.


	2. pity seek what we might lose.

The bright lights of the castle walls wake Lance up  _ right in the nick of time  _ for morning practice. Or, the closest they could come to  **_“_ ** morning. **_”_ **  Lance had thought about how they would keep time ever since hearing Coran ramble about  **_“_ ** quintants  **_”_ ** & the  **_“_ ** Spicolian movement **_”_ ** in reference to the day. After much thought  & mental labor, Lance had an epiphany. He could just show Allura how time labored on according to his phone, & have her figure it out from there. To his dismay, Pidge was a step ahead of him already, and Allura had already been working on the perfect median for both species to coexist in the same timezone peacefully. Luckily, Altean time measurement was very similar to Earth’s, allowing Pidge & Allura bond over quickly accommodating to both the humans & Alteans on the ship. Though it’s sort of a combination of Altea’s & Earth’s timekeeping systems, it has worked for both species just fine, their bodies slowly growing accustomed to the change as a young child grows into new clothes.

As Lance steps out of his room, using the casual wear provided by the castle–a very fitting mixture of blue hues–he walks _right_ into Allura, of all people.

**_“_ ** Oh **_!_ ** I was actually planning on asking you later on, but now that you’re  _ here… _ **_”_ **

& Allura’s not sure if she wants to let him finish that sentence, from the sickly sweet tone of his voice & the sudden drop in pitch towards the end, but she realizes that it’s simply Lance’s nature, & doesn’t mean what he is about to say is not important. She restrains herself.

As if sensing Allura’s discomfort, Lance’s expression gently shifts from his flirty signature smile… to a more serious neutral expression. ** _“_** I was wondering… where we’re going to next, like… **_”_** a pause, a _sigh,_ **_“_** what’s this all leading _up_ to… **_? ”_** he falters, his voice betraying his cool demeanor, giving away the anxiety he felt building up inside, threatening to tear apart his insides ’til there was nothing left. **_“_** How we’re gonna deal with this… _situation…_ because– you know as well as me that… we’re not… _ready_ to face Zarkon yet– **_”_**

Allura interjects, her voice strong & firm, carrying itself through the air, reassuring despite her unwavering demeanor.  **_“_ ** And that’s exactly why we’re  **_NOT_ ** attacking him head on quite yet. That’s exactly why you  & your fellow paladins have been training so hard until now. It’s to prepare you for what awaits. & when the time comes…  **_”_ ** her hard expression softens, eyes glistening; a hand lays itself atop lance’s shoulder.  **_“…_ ** I’m sure you’ll pull through.  **_”_ **

And for a second, it reminds Lance of his own mother. The thought is fleeting, but the look of stupor lingers on his face, his muscles refusing to cooperate with his brain’s orders. He stutters. He’s left not knowing what to say–he still doesn’t believe he can step up to the challenge (but could he let down his friends? could he allow them to depend on him, putting their lives on the line, only to have him hesitate?)–but it was gratifying to have Allura speak of him in such a way. It certainly wasn’t expected. Lance wants to express his gratitude, formulating sentences in his mind that die away when they reach his tongue.

**_“_ ** Uh-understood… Allura. Thanks,  **_”_ ** Lance manages to choke out after seconds of uncomfortable silence. Well, uncomfortable for him at least. And then came a saving grace  **_(_ ** in the form of a very familiar sound  **_)_ ** .

**_“_ ** Paladins, please report to the training room as soon as possible.  **_”_ ** Shiro’s voice comes over the loudspeaker, firm but gentle as always. It’s refreshing to hear such a softly-issued command right after such a tense moment. Lance takes this moment to part ways with the princess and dashes over to training without breakfast.

* * *

Keith has been awake since very early on, getting ready for the rest of the day didn’t take him too long, so he takes this time to be alone with his mess of thoughts. he takes out his favorite, ornate knife from its keeping/hiding place, slowly running his finger along the edges of the blade as his consciousness drifts into his thoughts. He doesn’t usually eat much for breakfast, he thinks, settling for just enough goo to keep his body functioning the way it should. He wonders briefly if the reasoning for this sparing breakfast is due to the goo’s taste & texture, which is all but pleasant, but quickly dismisses the thought, recalling his many breakfastless days & sleepless nights back on earth.

How curious. Even without the weight of the universe looming over him, he would still have sleepless nights then. His problems from then seem so infinitesimal compared to those he faces now─compared to the seemingly impossible battle they’ll have to fight soon. 

His finger starts to trace the hilt.

_ At least Shiro’s with me now, _ Keith’s thought lines up with the voice that sparks the loudspeakers to life,  _ how uncanny. _ But what’s most uncanny, what’s always conveniently left unsaid, the thought left wilting and reducing itself to ashes within his mind, is the thought of Keith’s uncertainty of where he would be without Shiro. 

Thoughts are put to rest, & buried six feet under, as he returns the knife back inside its safe keeping and makes his way to the training room in a light jog.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from Purity Ring's "Stranger than Earth".


	3. i cried into my bodyache

Upon reaching the training room, the paladins immediately question the absence of their leader until Allura calls them to order. With white locks tied up in a wretchéd bun and crystals in her eyes, she parts her lips and the sound that flows resounds throughout the room. A celestial strength no short of the force of a supernova sprouts forth from her aura. As she speaks, flowing words filling the resolve of the young paladins, she gives a much needed pep talk, a wash of _relief_ over their tired, war-torn souls.

Except Keith. Words can _never_ comfort him, because he _knows_ the fate that awaits them. He’s seen it through shiro’s panic attacks, his normally gentle eyes turning to ones of stone from pure fear and pain; his calm, cool head in times of need turning into thoughts of frustration, depression, and fragility. The flashbacks are too much to dismiss with a simple wave of the hand  & a “you will be fine” from the mouth of someone who has not gone through that same pain—that cannot know the full force of what awaits.

But she does know, says a small voice behind all of Keith’s unjustified singeing anger. She knows as well as anyone, as much as any of them, that the Galra have taken so much from so many, that they are supremely powerful. & if she’s putting her trust in them, that the must have the ability to crush the emerging empire of overflowing opponents: the rotting malice of a species that will rise time & time again from bruises & scratches if the leader is not taken out first.

As if on cue, Keith notices Shiro’s presence. His face doesn’t scrunch up in discontent at Allura’s speech, & Keith realizes Shiro shares this vision with her. A vision of peace for the universe.

So that’s what Keith will aim for.

Glancing toward his sides, he sees the fire/flare of determination spark behind all of their eyes, their spirits riled up: Pidge along with Hunk raising their fists in the air, as if to K.O. an enemy, Shiro with a knowing smile & a dignified stance, Coran making motions towards Pidge & Hunk to correct their stances, but then…

 

Lance.

 

He was off to the side, his subdued demeanor matching the blue hues of his leggings.

It was curious to see he who vies for the title of “center of attention” however he can, isolating himself off in a corner. when hunk approaches him, Keith observes, he flashes a smile & speaks some reassuring words Keith’s hearing can’t quite grasp. all he can see is his cheerful body language masking the slump that slowly creeps upon & retakes his shoulders after Hunk turns away. Keith looks away before Lance notices his staring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't necessarily the end, but I lost over 7k words I had written for this fic, so as you can imagine, I have low motivation to continue this, however, positive reinforcement could change that.

**Author's Note:**

> This is more of an ambiguous relationship fic.


End file.
